Hey, my friendly Alter ego! How are you today? I hope you’re good. Sometimes it seems like I overwhelm you with my helpful insights-or should I call them brainwaves-on social skills, friendship formation, and maintenance stuff. Well, I think you can pardon my solicitude.
I’ve done some thinking about ways of being friendly. Did I tell you, Hailey, I’ve started a creative thinking course? Nah, I guessed not.
Anyway, I’ve applied my course to this friendly topic and I came up with a little-known way of being friendly. Stay with me here.
This method can be summed up in a word: marketability! Did I hear you sigh out of annoyance? Sorry, Dear! The type of empathy I’m referring to helps you understand your wannabe friend and worm yourself into her heart faster! How? Here it goes.
Surely, you’re not unfamiliar with the concept of sales and marketing. In marketing, you have a product, you’re convinced this product is the right one for your client and you’re all so fired up about its benefits to the public. That’s one part of the equation.
What’s the next thing you do in marketing? You identify the typical person who would benefit from your product, who is likely to be interested in your product. You meet with him and try to sell your product to him. Would you succeed in selling your product just because you’re convinced of its worth and benefits to the customer? No! You identify the things your customer wants in your type of product and you show these desired things to him. When he’s convinced your product will satisfy his needs, you close the sale.
Why not apply this concept of sales and marketing to your interpersonal interactions? It’s great for you to know what you want in a friend & to be that type of person you seek in your friends so you don’t act entitled. However did you know you might want to go a step further to know the type of qualities your potential type of friend is attracted to? Not only that but also the qualities your potential friend would see as being worthy of maintaining a friendship with you? When you determine this, you endeavour to be that type of person!
Please don’t go away with the wrong meaning. It’s so easy for us to lean towards one side of the equation that we either:
- Become so authentic that we are out of sync with what people around us want;
- Become social chameleons in a bid to feel accepted and avoid loneliness.
A good marketer knows his product. He knows what he wants his product to be like & is smart enough to bridge the gap between authenticity and marketability.
Do you know why this concept of being marketable became a priority to me? It was when I realized that it’s how others actually see you that determines how they will treat you, not just how you see yourself. So if you want a potential friend to see you as a nice person, you’d do well to know the traits/behaviour he regards as characteristic of a nice person and reproduce them in yourself. At least in your interactions with him.
Don’t do only what you see as nice whenever you want a potential friend to see you as nice!
Did I just hear you ask isn’t that trying to manipulate people’s perception of you? No, it isn’t. Because it can be somewhat selfish to do only what you think is good in the hopes that people would reciprocate your kind gestures! You’d bridge the gap between what you think is good and what those around you think is good.
That way, everybody is a winner!
I actually think that a person who lacks the appreciation of marketability in her social interactions will turn out to be a psychopathic deviate, i.e. a person who isn’t well adjusted to society. While a person who lacks an appreciation of authenticity will have a herd mentality!
Do you still remember what I wrote on validation? It’s a lot easier for people to feel great around you when you mirror their wants, likes, and preferences.
Anyway, Hailey, You’re smart. A critical thinker, creative and observant. I’d want you to mull over my email to you while I work on my latest chinchin I’m trying to develop in the Quality Control Laboratory.
And for your writing success, I’ll leave you with the words of William Moore: A master is he who can maintain the balance between technical perfection and marketability!
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