Knowing the most you should tolerate from anyone saves you unnecessary ill feelings.
You are spared from feelings of anger, sadness, anxiety and so many other negative emotions humans experience. Best of all, you get to feel the satisfaction that comes from knowing you are in control of your interpersonal interactions.
I would like to demonstrate to you with this article just how you can regain a feeling of dignity, self-respect and calmness by knowing just how much you should tolerate from someone.
Here it goes…
- You have a friend, who is habitually late to appointments. Whenever both of you make an appointment to go somewhere, she shows up 90 minutes late. This makes you feel resentful and powerless to change the situation as all your pleas to make it on time fall on deaf ears. How do you change this situation, keep your self-respect intact and feel a higher level of calmness than you’ve done previously? Tell your friend that you will wait for her for only a certain length of time, say 45 minutes. And keep to your word. At first, she might feel it’s business as usual, but once the 45 minutes is up, leave without telling her. Spare yourself more delay by announcing to her that you are about to leave, as she is likely to beg you to wait some more. You will feel a lot calmer and happier and you will regain your self-respect by not depending on her to take you to your destination beforehand.
- You are acquainted with someone who is the touchy-feely type and you don’t like it. Instead of avoiding the person, explain to him that you really do not like his playful punches, brushing against you and so on. If he persists, remove yourself from his vicinity as he obviously doesn’t care enough about your wishes. No need to plead or threaten him to respect you. That is unnecessary.
The concept being explained is called Personal boundaries. It refers to the guidelines you have to determine how people behave towards you and what you will do if s/he crosses your limits. It helps you know what you should tolerate from people and what is the most you will put up with.
It is really unfortunate that most people don’t have dealbreakers, things they absolutely not put up with. We all would do well to know that for the sake of our inner calmness, and avoidance of negative emotions there are certain things, which seem so little but give us an insight to what a person is capable of doing. The two scenarios I painted above depict people who are self-absorbed and lacking in respect of your interaction with them. So there’s no need to tolerate such behaviour, if you wish to keep your dignity, self-respect and inner calmness intact.
There are different areas we exercise our personal boundaries: physical, emotional, sexual, and mental. In physical boundaries for instance, you get to determine who, when, where and how a person handles your belongings. Mental and emotional boundaries come into play when we realize that we have a right to determine who, when, where and how we share our thoughts, feelings, opinions, beliefs, experiences and worldview.
And of course, in setting your personal boundaries, you must have a plan in place if someone violates your boundary, especially if you’ve expressed your preferences.
You will see the benefits of setting personal boundaries when people begin to shape up or ship out of your life. This will give you an increased sense of satisfaction which arises from improved quality of your interpersonal interactions and you will bear fewer grudges.
It might interest you to know that bearing grudges often stems from not knowing the most you should have tolerated from someone early on. This makes people penetrate further into your personal boundaries till you reach your breaking point. If you are the person in scenario one, tolerating lateness from your friend might escalate to the point where she starts canceling on you at the last minute, starts borrowing money without paying and by this time, there are a lot of negative emotions within you.
If you have struggled with bearing grudges and feelings of unforgiveness, you might want to read my article for tips on how to forgive.
Do have a serene life filled with respect and flow! Don’t forget to like and share if this article was useful. and tell us what you think in the comments section.
Also, learn to improve your personal boundaries by telling us what you think in the comments section. Let’s interact!
For further reading on personal boundaries, visit this site
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