Hello, Hailey! How are you doing today? I trust you had a great November and are settling into December.
It came as a blinding flash to write a little note to you. I hope you will find it useful. Do listen carefully and pay attention to what I’m trying to tell you.
My dear! I have found a great secret, one that helps me and I was so full of joy, I decided to tell you my great secret. Enough of the suspense, I will get to it shortly.
I’m pretty sure you have heard of the phrase feeling entitled. In case you haven’t, it means going about as if you are deserving of special treatment, as though it were your due or right.
Feeling entitled gives rise to narcissism, selfishness, frustration, and pain.
Why do I say so? I’ll give you an example. I have always felt very entitled throughout my life, although I would have been deeply offended if someone had pointed this out to me. I was the type of person who had what I call unenforceables, people should, people ought to, people must and of course, it caused a great deal of frustration for me. If someone treated me in a way that I didn’t like, I would get deeply offended because I had a deeply-seated belief that I was special and deserved to be treated with special consideration of my feelings. If a friend did not treat me nicely, I would be like she should know that I don’t like being spoken to harshly. She ought to have treated me with some consideration for my feelings. And I felt frustrated in the process. Frustrated as in the feeling you get when you feel you’re not getting your way, that someone or something is opposing you. Definitely not a nice way to live.
One other consequence feeling entitled did was it made me unforgiving. It was very hard for me to remember a perceived slight or misdeed without feeling upset. It was hard for me to really live in the present with my mind constantly playing back all the hurts and petty annoyances that had happened to me.
So, I had to do some thinking and lo! It came as a blinding flash. Now, I have a better way of thinking that helps me not feel entitled and makes it easier for me to forgive past hurts. I tell myself I want and prefer xyz treatment, but it is not my right and I am not entitled to insist on it. This makes me respect other people’s choices, makes me forgive my exes for not treating me in a way I would have liked, and the net result is that I feel a lot less frustration and a lot happier than I had felt previously.
I also think that many people who think they have high self-esteem are just entitled. In relationships, they say I know I deserve to be treated in xyz manner, I deserve lots of attention, I deserve to have sex, I deserve a rich guy… and so on. Unfortunately, they keep on meeting people who treat them contrary to how they think they deserve. Self-esteem is not malignant self-love, but comes from accepting yourself, validating yourself and knowing what you have to offer the next person. Many of such people will be helped if only they could shift the emphasis to I want and prefer xyz treatment, but it is not my right and I cannot demand it (consciously or subconsciously) from anybody. Life is such that people give freely to those who do not walk around feeling entitled to anything from them. I can cite such instances in my life.
Here’s to a life free from malignant self-love!
Your Higher Self.
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