Now You Can Have Killer Advice From My Higher Self.

Hello, Hailey! How are you? I hope you are doing great. I just felt I should say hi to you and tell you what I have learned about forgiveness.

There are so many definitions of forgiveness, but the one that appeals to me is the ability to remember a past wrong done to you without feeling pain, anger or sadness. In my dictionary, forgiveness does not mean reestablishing contact with a person who has hurt you. Sometimes, it is best to let such relationships wither.

What can make you feel the need to forgive? Several things, really but you should realize that a person who is emotionally sensitive has a greater need for forgiveness.

I used to be a very thin-skinned person. It was as is I felt every slight and hurt, be they real or imagined personally. I was very vindictive, bitter, spiteful and resentful as a result. I erroneously thought that being emotionally sensitive meant I was full of empathy. How wrong I was! A thin-skinned person is bound to lash out and say all sorts of unpleasant things whenever s/he feels hurt. I didn’t realize this at the time.

How did I learn to forgive? I read up some articles on forgiveness and the one that struck me the most was an article stating that people do bad things to others not because they are depraved, but because they were either looking out for their own interests or because they felt hurt by your actions.  This was a paradigm shift in my worldview. Hitherto, I was of the opinion that the world was a very unsafe place to be and I needed to learn how to defend myself. I don’t feel that way now.

Forgiveness is what makes relationships thrive.

I know that this will not suffice for you to learn how to forgive, but another step you can take in learning how to forgive is to visualize yourself as being free from the past hurt, anger, and pain. Project yourself into the future and see this happening to you. Always remember that whatever the mind can conceive, it can achieve. Visualization works wonders, that I can assure you.

Essential oils have helped me on my journey towards forgiveness and inner peace. Did you know that high levels of estrogen can exacerbate borderline personality disorder symptoms? Yes, it does! There are a lot of estrogenic and phytoestrogens in our diet today. These things make us act out and can cause irritability. My favourite essential oil is Rosemary essential oil because it lowers estrogen levels in the body. It has helped me become thicker-skinned and less irritable. I shrug off hurts and disappointments with more ease than before.

Therapy has helped me a great deal. My closest friend is a psychologist, so I discuss with him whatever that is bothering me. His training and innate gifts have proved to be of great help to me. I believe that anybody who is struggling with feelings of resentment, spite, bitterness and vindictiveness should try talking with a clergyman, counselor or psychologist. It does help to discuss such feelings in a safe and structured environment.

Aha! I forgot. I use mindfulness to learn how to forgive. Mindfulness, as espoused by Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (not mindfulness in the Buddhist religion, though they are similar) has been of great help to me.

There is no wrong that cannot be forgiven, trust me. Nuns forgive their rapists and even Eva Kors forgave her tormentors in the Auschwitz concentration camp during the Second World War. Bear this in mind whenever you feel you cannot forgive someone.

The secret to forgiveness can be summed up in one sentence: Never feel justified in bearing a grudge!


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