No tragedy is quite as poignant as that of the person who lacks love in his life. Love has been described as a basic emotional need by psychologists.
In experiments with monkeys, the baby monkeys preferred to stay with a furry model without food than a wire model with food. Such is the importance of love.
I believe in love, not because I have felt it often for others, but because I have observed that it makes it easier for one to treat the object of his affection in a pleasant manner. It is not far-fetched to assume that those people who lack empathy lack love in their lives.
Back to the topic at hand… Love is one emotion I have not felt very often, because I felt unloved at a deep, subconscious level. Why? You may ask. Really, as a child, I recall my parents scolding me harshly for the slightest misdemeanor on my part and this cast the mould in which my future was set. In my teenage years, I was not well-liked in Secondary school (or so I was led to believe). In my relationships with the opposite sex, this was further aggravated by my dates not calling me when I would want them to, not giving me gifts and so on. A veritable storm was brewing and with time, I felt so unlovable that there was nothing anyone could have done to make me feel loved.
What were the consequences of feeling unloved for me? First, it made me clingy and in need of an inordinate amount of attention. I just had to have whoever I was enamored with. I literally felt like having you all to myself, at my beck and call. Naturally, this pushed people further away from me as life is such that people freely give attention and affection to those who were least likely to demand it.
Secondly, it made me mean. Mean? Yes, mean. When you don’t feel loved by someone, you are less likely to make any particular effort to be nice to the person. Add this to the fact that I felt unloved by humanity at a deep, subconscious level; I was charming at first, but always ready to sting like a viper whoever I felt slighted by. I was stubborn, with passive-aggressive and defiant tendencies, which were not readily apparent to most people. I felt like it was me against the world and I had to conquer life by my own unaided struggle. Very sad way to live, I tell you.
Now that I am aware of this through introspection, discussing with wise ones and reading self-help books, I am determined to change. Through mindfulness, which I described in one of my blog posts and by always affirming to myself at intervals during the day I feel loved by people, incomparably loved, so much so that people I meet treat me in such a way that this feeling is reinforced in me and grows stronger! Why did I use the word feel, instead of am? Because I know that the subconscious mind can only be accessed via emotion, not through logical reasoning. Telling myself I am loved, instead of I feel loved will only set up a resistance in my subconscious mind and cancel out the good I am trying to do.
I also affirm to myself because there is a law of mind which states that whatever one accepts and steadily adheres to in the conscious mind seeps into the subconscious mind, from where it emerges as a definite personality trait. It is in recognition of this law that I am tackling my subconscious mind through mindfulness and positive affirmations.
I am still a work in progress, though!
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