There was a time I cared so much about how people viewed me. I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to tailor my mannerisms, actions, speech and lifestyle to suit what people in my environment felt was normal and appropriate.
If someone told me, ‘Hailey, you are XYZ’ I felt deeply affected as I was convinced human beings were a mirror that could see through me, right into my individuality. Or ‘soul’, as religious people would call it. I would start seeing myself that way.
Then I went to another end of the continuum: introspection. I chose to focus on developing my sense of self as I gave little thought to how people viewed me.
If a person told me ‘Hailey, you are XYZ’ and I was convinced it contradicted with the way I viewed myself, I would brush it off. No dirt off my shoulder!
Until I discovered INTENTIONALITY FALLACY in August, 2017.
I realized that I had a fairly developed sense of self due to lots of work on myself/my individuality, but unfortunately it wasn’t shining through my PERSONALITY.
As people still saw me the way they had always seen me. And as I had over the years chosen to care little about how people actually saw me, my personality was deteriorating, not progressing.
So I resolved to do two things:
1) Continue my development of my sense of self;
2) Ensure that my developed sense of self shines through my personality, so that whatever flaws people had been seeing in my personality that caused social impairment for me would cease.
This doesn’t mean I believe I am ‘Haughty’ if people say, ‘Hailey, you are proud!’
My sense of self, my individuality is definitely not proud; but I accept that my personality, insofar as people are seeing it is ‘haughty’.
Of course I know it is going to be a failed strategy to use my willpower to achieve harmonization of my sense of self with my personality, but I choose to be passive and let external forces act upon me in this regard.
By external forces, I mean my diet, exercises, appearance, supplement, the company I keep, the circumstances I create for myself, and the lifestyle choices I make.
As such, I no longer go about proclaiming I don’t care what people think of me.
I do; but I know what they think of me is not my individuality: it’s my personality.
And personality is important as it helps me interface with the outer world.
Why not outrun the negativity in your life with the helpful advice in the blog posts? Remember, the quality of your interpersonal interactions can make or mar your mental/emotional being!
Disclaimer: The suggestions in the blog posts do not constitute professional advice. They are borne out of my personal experiences. Please speak with a licensed mental health professional before implementing any of the tips in the articles. HaileyBrownSite will not be held liable for any loss or injury arising as a result of using the suggestions given in this blog.
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